The Beginning of the End

This week may have been the turning point.
I am not one to fool my self with false illusions,
probably the exact opposite,
but I believe this is may be it.
It scares me to be so sure,
and although naturally I am preparing myself for a letdown,
I have a new found hope - a new found happiness.

I will not say that its over yet, but rather prepare myself for the next battle,
even though this may be the end of the war.
I can't step down yet, I have to be ready for it,
fearless and ready;
but I fear another setback will ruin me,
causing me to crumble to pieces
to want to give up
to die
or to finally live again.

But I know in the end my family will pick up the pieces and put me back together again;
and I will stand up and face it one more time,
for I know light is on the horizon.

Chic.

Sweet 16

Today, my mom and I started discussing my sweet sixteen! I am so excited for it, even though its in the summertime. It's going to be amazing, I want to have it in the backyard. My mom said I might get a Dj and catering! I'm gonna invite all my friends and we're gonna have a blast and dance all night and whatever. I want to decorate the yard with like paperlanterns and candles and stuff, like make it really pretty. Most sweet sixteens have themes and stuff, but I don't think I'll do that. I'm asking my best friend to help decorate and pick out music and stuff. And I want to get my hair done the day of and put some really nice make up on. Maybe I'll even wear heels. And I think I'll curl my hair. I don't know what the dress code would be though. I was considering formal, that would be really nice, but I really don't like dressing up. I hope to reconnect with all my friends and have a really amazing night. I don't know what kind of catering do get but I really wish my favorite place to eat Tellos Green Farms (mexican) catered parties, that would be perfect. Their chips are fresh, the dip is amazing and their chicken tacos are out of this world. Plus my mom's letting me invite as many people as I want. I'm mostly excited to make a playlist for this party. I'm so excited to see how gorgeous the backyard will look :D

20 Things You Didn't Know About Me.

1. I don't trust many people. I'm independent and confident but usually a loner.

2. I love trying new looks and adore Forever 21.

3. I love staying in hotels and going on planes.

4. I love to buy those green/ eco-friendly products whenever I can.

5. I am very close to my dogs and love them for bringing me joy everyday.

6. I love doing homework.

7. Thunderstorms always put me in a good mood.

8. Christmas is my favorite day of the year.

9. I look up to my parents and admire for them for everything they are, including their flaws.

10. I can't decide if I'll be a psychologist, writer, teacher, nurse, or official tutor. I've had some amazing people touching my life lately that have inspired me to do so much and to dream big. I would also love to advocate for animals because they are and always have been my passion aside writing, literature, and history.

11. I would love to travel overseas or to a Spanish speaking country where I can put my speaking into good practice.

12. I idolize actresses such as Zooey Deschanel, Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johanssen, Kirsten Dunst, Kristen Stewart, Ellen Page and others, mostly for the character that they portray.

13. I love to read, especially poetry, historical fiction and memoirs.

14. I LOVE making collages. I am planning to make a collage out of band aids next.

15. Photography is a fairly new passion of mine and I wish fullfill that by getting a professional camera.

16. I NEVER go anywhere without my iPod.

17. I mostly listen to any songs that cheer me up. I usually listen to Meg & Dia, Paramore, Lady Gaga, Michael Jackson, Adele, Serena Ryder, Taylor Swift, Pete Yorn, Train, and A Fine Frenzy. On top of their talent, all these people also have an amazing and unique fashion sense. I try to express these different tastes through my own wardrobe.

18. My favorite clothing pieces of mine right now are my scarves, my fedora hat, my michael jackson style military jacket, my new cotton t-shirts, flannel, and my cat chic slouchy sweater from heritage.

19. I cannot stop watching The Golden Girls. They're a riot and I always find myself craving cheesecake when they break it out on the show to talk out their problems.

20. I prefer to be alone or with my amazing sister :) I have the most fun then I ever have when I'm with my sister and she makes everything alright again. I would do anything and give up everything for her.

I'm tired of people breaking promises and passing judgement. Why can't anyone just be true?

This will all be over soon.

~Free~

I find myself to be more excited lately about my future. I signed up for this college match site and got matched with a ton of schools in the city :D Making my plan of moving there even more doable and possible. Although there's a bunch of good colleges in the Bronx, I have my eye on Hunter in Manhttan. I'm not sure yet if I want an apartment in the Bronx or in Manhattan. It's gonna be so cool to have my own place to decorate it however I want and buy the groceries I want and so on. And go on shopping trips at amazing stores and be totally fashion forward. Like I can't even imagine just worrying about myself, I'd be able to do whatever I want, it just seems so free. And so close! And then at night I can meet all my friends in the Bronx and we can go clubbing or something. Also it'll be way cool to drive wherever I want. I'd prefer driving then to take the subway everywhere. I find it confusing and it gets really hot down there. lol I'd make like all these cds for myself and blast the music and sing as loud as I want. And the food!!! I'll be eating amazing stuff daily of all kinds of food. If I can afford it, I'd do takeout everynight and just watch movies or The Golden Girls all night in my pajamas. When I move out I'm gonna wanna bring lots of stuff with me, like my Golden Girls complete seasons dvds for instance. And there will be plenty of job oppurtunities. And I will be free to study and work in peace :]

My absolute favorite band = Meg & Dia <3

Sonnet XIV by Elizabeth Barret Browning

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
I love her for her smile--her look--her way
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of ease on such a day--
For these things in themselves, Belovèd, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheek dry,--
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou may'st love on, through love's eternity.

Hayley Williams~ she's hardcore, talented and gorgeous :]